Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
