fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
