now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
