Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
