i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
