Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
