problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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