drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
