am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
