we have officially lost it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
