I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
