I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
