I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
