I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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