I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
