He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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