he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize