i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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