just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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