Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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