Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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