found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
