ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
