Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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