Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
