Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
