Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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