my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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