I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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