Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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