On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
