her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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