so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
