I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
