you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
