if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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