Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
