It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
