I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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