I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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