i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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