i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
