and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
