I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
