Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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