This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
