They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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