Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
