I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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