His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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