i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
