I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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