she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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