This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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