he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How external is "for external use only"?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
