I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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