Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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