she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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