Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
