I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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