When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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