For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
