I puked a lego.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
