I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
why is half of my head shaved?
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