who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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