It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
