Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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