so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
