Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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