A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
