paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
